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Death by MASN

Written by: Peter Coolbaugh

It might say that on my death certificate, since my heart is about to explode. 0-6 on the first home stand. A 1-9 start to the 2010 season. Brian Roberts on DL. Mike Gonzo, our savior closer, is there too (not a bad thing mind you), and the speedy Felix Pie is still having shoulder troubles.

Is there any good news? Well we did win a game in Tampa. So that means no 0-21 again.

Bats are not working. This team leaves more runners stranded on second and third than a high school cheerleader. And we have no clear cleanup hitter right now.

We can't steal bases. Guys get caught in rundowns. Bonehead plays are the norm and not the exception.

Is there anything the Orioles do well? Well, we do have a bullpen than implodes nightly. Hendrickson and Berken have ERA's around 2.00. The rest of the guys are around 8.00. Great to be in last place and aside from the Astros, we are the worst in the league.

And we have yet to face the big dogs like NY, MIN, and ANA. Oh, the horror.

Are there any positives you may ask? Well, the food at OPACY has improved. And there are rumors that if the manager is fired, we could land Phil Garner or Bobby Valentine.

I just don't know what to make of this club. Clearly they have some talent. But is it the coaching? Or are they just not that good? Has "THE PLAN" been just a joke to get us to come and support a bunch of Bad News Bears clones?

Baseball is a streaky game. The Athletics won 20 straight back in 2002. You never know who is going to get hot or cold. It can happen. Probably. Then again, Jennifer Love Hewitt can call me too. It could happen.

So if I keel over in front of the TV this weekend, make sure the Orioles get the blame. I would still like an orange coffin though if possible. Go out in style.


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